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by John Cadogan

You read all the big motoring news here: Bikini car wash aficionados will note that Former Ipswich fish & chip shop owner Pauline Hanson and arch-nemesis Pauline Pantsdown became one and the same person yesterday – in a bizarre new twist of bikini car wash history.

The outspoken 57-year-old former politician, who is responsible for the term ‘please explain’ leaping up the national lexicon hit parade, stripped down to her jocks alongside former Miss Universe pageant queen Jesinta Campbell at Bondi’s Crystal Car Wash yesterday in the name of charity … and to further her new career as a proto-celebrity on the set of Nine’s Celebrity Apprentice. It takes a brazen or clueless woman to do that…

Above: Either Jesinta Campbell or Pauline Hanson. Only their mothers can tell them apart. Punters paid $1000 to have either wash their cars in Sydney’s Bondi recently

Nouveaux underwear brand, AussieBum, kicked the tin for $50k for the former xenophobic One Nation leader to scrub cars clean while wearing only vestigial OH&S kit. Ms Campbell made do with a more conventional red bikini, the fabric of which was probably paid for in inverse proportion to its absolute area, and gumboots.

Most red-blooded male ‘wet & wild’ bikini car wash fantasies take a substantial U-turn for the worse when Ms Hanson steps onto the set. But the Celebrity Apprentice car wash stunt did manage to generate $60,000 for the Reach charity in the four hours it operated. Punters even forked out the hugely inflated sum of $1000 to have their cars washed by the two ladies … but it’s not clear if those who handed over the big bucks got to choose whether it would be Ms Campbell or Ms Hanson soaping up their pride and joy.

We can only hope we don’t see a whole lot more of Pauline Hanson in future episodes. Still, you have to admire her for having the chutzpah to give such a thing a go – especially alongside someone with credentials as impressive as Ms Campbell’s. Other Celebrity Apprentice contenders Lisa Curry Kenny, Julia Morris and Demi Hines declined to wash cars publicly in only their underwear in the quest for national Nine notoriety.

The Pauline Hanson bikini car wash, frankly, is the kind of thing Stephen King could write about. One could awake in a fright at 3am and not get back to sleep after an attack of PHBCWINS (Pauline Hanson Bikini Car Wash Invasion Nightmare Syndrome). However, if you were running Central Casting, who would you cast in the lead role of your own personal BCWINS? (My own vote is for soon-to-be former Aussie PM Julia Gillard – or the Hanson-Gillard double-team sequel.)




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