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by John Cadogan

Two feet became the official benchmark distance between a good and bad idea yesterday in Roseville, Michigan, when a 24-year-old man in a brakeless pickup truck attempted to – cue the duelling banjos – use his feet against the macadam as a substitute. The impromptu solution – literally a ‘no-brainer’ – didn’t quite work out.

Our Fred Flintstone-esque hero reached speeds in excess of 60km/h, and was at at least two times successful in bringing the vehicle to a stop – no doubt abetted by gravity. However, predictably enough, ultimately multiple collisions ensued.

Above: Yabba dabba don’t try it at home, kids

Roseville Police categorised the behaviour as “moronic decision making”. After the vehicle’s brakes failed about 3km outside Detroit the man decided to brake with his feet all the way home, and only then did he plan to fix the brakes. This proposal went horribly awry when he struck two vehicles after being unable to pull up for a red light, and two more after failing to follow shouted police instructions to shift into ‘park’ on the fly.

“This guy’s no rocket scientist,” said Roseville Deputy Police Chief James Berlin. “He said he was going to fix the brakes when he got home.”

The video shows it all, basically. Epically bad decision-making during Detroit’s rush hour. It’s a miracle nobody was killed.

He was arrested and charged with driving on a suspended licence and reckless driving. The condition of his feet is unknown, but his genes are, unfortunately, still in the pool.