How Gay Is Your Car?

By Alborz Fallah | December 19th, 2006

Okay so the topic is a little, how should I say it, politically incorrect, but then again since when were we politically correct? So how gay is your car? A good proportion of the Australian population take very limited pride or care in the type of car they drive. Its a get from a to b type attitude, one which always amazes me. Its pretty simple, some people just don’t care about what they drive.

But thats okay, its not a crime to go out and buy a brand new Ford Falcon or Holden Commodore because you have absolutely no taste, its those of us who go and buy the wrong car, now that is annoying. Ever pulled up at the lights and the guy next to you gives you a wink? Ever wondered why all the guys look at you when your driving around with a confused look on their face? Its simple, you are driving a gay car.

So what makes a gay car? Is it the colour? Is it the shape? Is it the brand? Its a mixture really, I always feel like I am losing a little bit of my masculinity when I see a 20 something year old male driving a Holden Barina, comeon guys, its not that hard, its called Barina, its small, its ‘cute‘ and its definitely not a guys car.

However many of us still don’t seem to get it, so the good people at Wheels24.co.uk had put together an online pole to see which is the gayest car a man can drive in New Zealand, and the results are:

Cars that make you look Gay

Peugeot 207
BMW 3 Series Coupe
Jaguar XK
Honda Civic Hatch
Alfa Romeo 159

So now that you know you have to put your car up for sale, what can you buy that oozes your masculine and straight sexuality?

Cars that are definitely not gay

Audi RS4
Toyota Fortuner (4WD not sold in AUS)
Dodge Caliber
VW Jetta
Lexus IS250

There you have it! Just when you thought it was cool to go out and buy a 3 series BMW, now you gotta wonder what the boys really think? Then again, it is New Zealand, and I can’t honestly see anything wrong with a BMW coupe!, but the Honda Civic Hatch, definitely a chicks car!

You can read the full report here

Brian Howard

I have been watching/reading your website for a month or so now and initially I thought it a breath of fresh air in a somewhat established stale space. I have, unfortunately had a change of attitude. It seems you are different but with a predominant downside. For the record I drive an Audi A6 so what I am about to say clearly has no bias. Your lambasting of the traditional Holden and Falcon reeks of bias and insular leanings. Firstly I thought it was an isolated comment or two but it seems to be a theme with you to knock what are now widely regarded as the best in the world of their categories – the BF2 Falcon and VE Commodore. I have not owned one of these for over a decade but, as an Australian I am as proud as can be with what they have achieved with such limited resources. Your bias seems to routinely excluded the value for money, performance and quality leaps in recent years. What is it with you? I am not trying to criticize you personally as your writing style is frequently amusing and entertaining. I am truly trying to understand where your bias and cutting commentary on these very good and venerable local vehicles is coming from. Are you simply of the green persuasion and against anything with a modicum of full blooded Aussie performance and value? What is with this latest article you have written where you state “its not a crime to go out and buy a brand new Ford Falcon or Holden Commodore because you have absolutely no taste” – where the hell is that coming from? What are you hoping to achieve by writing absolute drivel like that? Reality check for you: is everyone who buys a Falcodore completely lacking taste? I think not. The place I’m coming from is that quite a few of my friends have these cars and, having read your diatribe, have completely lost any faith in reading further on your website. bad news travels fast. I sent an email to 43 of my friends and associates when I first discovered your site saying how great it was and that they should regularly tune-in. Guess what most of them are relaying to me now after your consistent falcodore bashing (more specifically your falcodore owner bashing). No prizes for guessing it is not praise. Now, run away, go learn about basic reporting and the importance of keeping personal bias out of said subject. Then report back when and if you ever have something credible to mumble. “How Gay Is Your Car”? Please . . . grow up. Again, for the record, I am not gay nor have issue with any who are. Please write about credible motoring material instead of scraping the bottom of the barrel to create a ‘story’. We all are, believe it or not, prepared to give you a second chance if we see improvement. We understand people can and do evolve so go for it. Your earlier efforts support this. Cheers, Brian.
http://www.alborzfallah.com alborz

thanks for ur comment brian, I will take your suggestion into consideration, however its good to note that my Falcon and Commodore bashing is mainly for amusement, for the majority of readers on this site are not drivers of either falcons or commodores, and as a former falcon owner I do know where I am coming from with most of my comments. However I guess I should mention that they are mostly aimed at basic model falcon/commodore owners. I absolutely Love the ford XR range and the I am a big fan of HSV. So my bashing isn’t against a brand!

Nevertheless most of what i say on this site is for amusement, you shouldnt take what I say as cold hard fact. I do believe that buying a stock falcon/commodore as a family car shows that you have no taste in cars, and also that you did not bother todo any research into getting the right car for your money. Because despite what you think, there are cars ont he market for less money which offer more in almost every category (except perhaps, Australian made)

There is just SO much choice at the moment, Toyota’s new camry and aurion, subarus continued improvement with the impreza and the mazda 6 range, not to mention just how far Hyundai have come in the last 10 years.

The only reasons I can see anyone going after a commodore or falcon would be for either lack of care, following tradition, or simply wanting something aussie.

The first reason is self explanitory, nothing wrong with a falcon or commodore, as i said i used to own one! But if you love cars, and you care about what you drive, you really should reconsider buying a brand new falcon or commodore, afterall not only do they lose the greatest deal of resell value of almost any car sold in Australia (minus the ultra luxurys), but they also lack so many standard features available on cars with a lower price tag and better fuel economy! So why! Perhaps you can explain this to me?

The reason this site exists isn’t to bring you fact after fact after fact, you want facts, you can find it on the manufacturers website, you want my opinion, keep reading! However, you are right, perhaps I am a little over the top with my ramblings and I’ll try to limit my falcon/commodore abuse, but its very hard to resist sometimes. I am not bashing current falcon/commodore owners as much as I am trying to deter potential buyers.

My aim is simple, to push the Australian prespective on cars forward, to help people realize that there really is a choice, and its not just between a falcon and a commodore!

And mate, think about it, you drive an Audi A6, thats a beautiful car, from top to bottom, you care about what you drive. You have taste (and money dare I say) but the point is simple, I do believe that in this day and age, if your buying a stock standard commodore or falcon, you’ve really gotta look at the alternatives!
Simon

Don’t think we need to hear the Falcon and Commordore bashed in every article (be it for fun or not). However it certainly makes a refreshing change from Wheels magazine which are in love with both vehicles. I sure they sit around every month and have meetings about how they can work one or both into an article and then get it on the front cover. Both cars are relevent for the Aust market and should get fair coverage but they take it to a stupid level.

So thanks for the alternative point of veiw and keep up the great work!!
brian Howard

To Alborz,

Thank you for your considered response. I would like to quote you: “you really should reconsider buying a brand new falcon or commodore, after all not only do they lose the greatest deal of resell value of almost any car sold in Australia (minus the ultra luxurys), but they also lack so many standard features available on cars with a lower price tag and better fuel economy! So why! Perhaps you can explain this to me?” Now, I would be happy to explain this to you. Firstly, the falcodores are unique in Aus and, dare I say, the world, for their value for money, robustness, space and rear wheel drive. We can add sophistication to that list for the VE for many reasons not the least of which is a near perfect 50/50 weight distribution (shared ONLY with one other sedan anywhere, the outrageously expensive-for-what-you-get BMW). This combination of falcodore benefits, for quite a few people, immediately precludes the new flavour of the minute rash of ‘Paddington-trendy’ people movers or ‘Mosman-Chariot’ idiot 4WD’s in which ignorant mums continue to ferry unsuspecting children to school, soccer and potential doom. I excluded Ford’s excellent Territory here as it is in a class of it’s own. However, consider the average mum or dad without recourse to unlimited funds to indulge their inner car passion. They have to make a hard decision. Do they buy what they ‘perceive’ to be a tinny and tiny Japanese sedan/wagon or, for about the same money a large, strong, proven rear wheel drive vehicle with well attested reliability from a nation of taxi drivers who wouldn’t touch anything but a falcon for their millions of fares each day? (same situ in Europe but insert Merc for Falc). Who does Mr/s average go to when dollars, value, execution of intended function and longevity are on the line in one equation? The falcodore – that’s who. Look me straight in the eye and tell me what Japan or any other nation has to give Mr/s average and their kids what a Falcon wagon can? Exactly. Maybe they have to tow something, in which case the arse of a camrion will be sadly scraping along the ground like a dog with worms. (by the way, why didn’t they just bite the bullet and call that thing a Vienta??) Anyway, additionally your quote mentions “lack so many standard features available on cars with a lower price tag and better fuel economy! Well, are we comparing apples-to-apples here? I challenge you to verify any part of that statement with the VE Commodore, being the latest expression of the art from Aus. I am willing to concede here when it comes to the BF2 Falcon (not on fuel economy though which is exemplary for such a car and what it delivers). Best wait ’til March 2008 to see Fords apples-to-apples answer here. That is only fair. To say otherwise is to kick ‘em while they’re down or at least behind the 8-ball. Having said that, for what it is, the BF2 is extraordinary and probably no more is this evident than in the base cars which you despise! Remember the AU (BF basic architecture) first saw the light of day on a whiteboard in 1994 or earlier. It didn’t go on sale ’til 1998. BF was an ’02 major update. Hardly and unbiased apples-to-apples comparo with camrion/626/subaru who have just been born. Incidentally, how does Subaru and 626 even figure in your argument that they compare to falcodore. They are cramped, have low comparative torque (more important than kw’s! for families and most enthusiasts) and couldn’t tow to save their respective thin skins. I’m definitely not anti-jap car as I have a very high respect for what they have achieved in quality. It’s just that they can’t come anywhere near comparing with the traditional Aussie strengths so important in local cars to local families. You rarely, if ever, mention rear wheel drive and its formidable advantage to those who love cars and are passionate about driving and what they drive. And why do you, and so many motor scribes, rabbit on about kilowatts when they are almost a moot point? Torque is what counts, what pushes you in the back when you need that emergency grunt or are punching a hole through traffic. This is what matters to the regular family guy and this is what is attractive to families (& a lot of enthusiasts) about falcodores. The rice-burners and Eurocans can’t come anywhere (that’s ANYWHERE) near the falcodores for the same or almost twice the money when it comes to the everyday driveability due to high torque Aussie motors. Just another example where some motor noters live in a world removed from the Aussie real-world traffic jam. Incidentally, for less than $1500 you can turn a plain Falcon into visual stunner if that is your bent. Still top value after that spend! Cheers and a happy Christmas Alborz and to all your readers.
anthony

a few things are wrong with your argument(s) brian.

1. base model aurion features dual front, side and curtain airbags, electronic stability control, six-speed automatic transmission, climate controlled air-conditioning, the most powerful and fuel-efficient V6 in its class and, with the lowest emissions, the kindest to the environment.

2.Then there’s the price. At $38,500 the Aurion SX6 undercuts its rivals by at least $2000 once similar equipment is added.

3. If ANYONE perceives a Toyota camry/aurion to be a tinny car needs to come out from the rock they have been under the last 15 years. Toyota has the MOST reliable of any company (other than Lexus, which surprisingly is owned by Toyota) and this is why they are number one in terms of sales in Australia.

3. Toyota is a LOCAL MANUFACTURER. Which means it is just as Australian as GM-owned Holden and Detroit-based Ford. TOYOTA 110,000 LM cars, Holden 150,000 LM cars and FORD 92,000 LM cars in 2006.
FiLL

For a man who defends the ‘common’dore and fal’coon’ so passionately, I find it funny that you in fact own an Audi and that you have the nerve to criticise European cars on value-for-money? A bit hypocritical if you ask me?! But you aren’t asking me are you?

In either case, with fuel prices on the rise and the popularity of our global warming epidemic which is now in the spotlight; eco-friendly or low-fuel consumption cars seem to be the way of the future and your large family car doesn’t really fit the criteria.

Besides, how many variations of the same car does a company need to make? Do their designers get together once a year to decide on the new shape of the tail-lights for next years release? Boring! Very Boring…!
Brian Howard

To Anthony and Fill:-

Anthony,

1) You make some valid points re standard equipment although, with VE, I don’t know how significant the differences really are between Aurion and VE. I take issue with “the most powerful and fuel-efficient V6 in its class”. High kw’s in a family sedan is a furpy and marketing guff as the realist appreciates that torque is what matters. As for fuel consumption real world tests in the major motor mags shows that there is around 0.1 litres/100kms separating the falcon from the Aurion and or Camry. Hell, Toyota can’t even get its own story straight re the Aurion/Camry differential. Every report one reads gives a different slant on that one. What’s the poor Aussie punter to assume? Well, in reality he doesn’t have to worry. We are talking LESS than 1 litre/100kms REAL WORLD between Falc and Aurion. It doesn’t matter people!!

2) With the SX6 Anthony you are being selective – look at the base models.

3) On point 3 I think the taxi drivers of the country would have something to say there. Hey, I don’t have an issue with Vienta reliability – a mate of mine has had a 1995 model since new and it still feels to him like the day he bought it. Commendable stuff. It won’t take off quickly, tow his boat or fit 5 people in comfort but it does what he wants so good!

- Your final point is quite true – I don’t however see its relevance in terms of the initial subject.

Now, Fill,

FYI I drive an Audi A6 because it is the car supplied by my employer chosen from a comparable list of cars. The car is exemplary and I am indeed fortunate to qualify for this perk. It is priced way above anything comparable made in Australia. It offers, due to the high entry price, a vehicle which eclipses in many ways those offered by an Aussie manufacturer. I have been called many unkind names – some valid – but I am not I assure you hypocritical Fill. If I was fronting up my own money I would not view it as good value for money and in the absence of the A6 as an option I would choose either a Caprice V8 or perhaps even an F6 Typhoon. Both these offer a level of performance and standard equipment for the money to severely embarrass any Europhile vehicle.

As for your 2nd paragraph I would disagree. I am quite sure a large family would also disagree. Please see my initial notes on people movers and 4WD’s. I do, however, applaud you for your noble sentiments on global warming. Truly though, I wonder how many enthusiasts (or struggling family buyers for that matter) really give this aspect a look-in when buying. It is, usually I’m sure, the old WIIFM (what’s in it for me?) that usually wins the day.

I do apologise, and I have tried, but I do not understand or appreciate the relevance of your final paragraph. Cheers, Brian.
Michelle

Brian,

It is refreshing to come accross someone intelligent enough to argue logically and competently without having to resort to emotive, and hence less meaningful, arguments/comments.

My father owns a VE V8 Calais and it is a very competent vehicle. I think there is an element of snobbery in Australia towards Fords and Holdens which is very apparent within car club circles (My father also owns a Bentley MK6 which competes in competitions). I think it is sad that this snobbery exists and that people like “alborz” (who are perhaps a little insecure) find amusement in ripping on the little guy. The Commodore is the second biggest selling car in Australia (behind the corolla I believe). Have you considered that a Ford or Holden may be what these many Aus families can afford? To belittle middle class Australian’s choice in cars is petty and unkind, and if I were you (alborz) I would be asking yourself what that says about you. Is this a car website, or a Woman’s Day mag?
Gavin

Gay cars……Who cares…….I own a Honda Accord…..and I’m Gay. But I had a Ford Territory and an Austarilan ‘Gay’ Magazine voted it the ‘Gay Mans’ car of the Year in 2004 & 2005. mmmmmmm Do you see many nelly (feminine guys) driving them? I don’t think so……….. Brian, if I had the money, I would drive and Audi A6 wheather my company supplied it or not. and for the Record my partner drives the Honda, I drive a company supplied VZ wagon……not very gay at all
http://n/a george scales

got rolls royce silver serpah for sale , can ship over what sort of money we looking at.
Paul

Holden and Ford negative Bias? Wtf this place is littered with bias towards them in a positive nature you idiots Michelle and Brian both from posters and writers of articles, open your eyes up and actually read more then 1 article around here and then come back and comment.

Anyway as someone else mentioned, your VE Commodore and Falcon despite your belief of these cars being the best in the world is wrong… they are decent but there are better cars out their (It is noted how you didnt reply to the posters comments in relation to the Aurion… becuase you know you cant come back from that!).

NOT THAT THIS MATTERS, this article was about image… someone who buys a Commodore Omega isnt going to have a great image, I would usually assume a family car or company car, it leaves nothing to the imagination… while someone who buys say an Integra is going to have a better image, I certainly would assume its someone who values performance etc over just travelling from a to b like someone who buys an Omega and certainly not a family car!
http://yondman.blogspot.com Matt

Heh heh he… Now this is funny.

I’m 22, a guy, and drive a red mazda 121 bubble car (AND it came with 15″ rims). But it’s a first car. In retrospect, it probably would have been better to at least get something that isn’t red.

I’m straight. I’m secure about my manhood (the bit that counts). Isn’t there a myth that guys with big hulking V8′s are compensating for something? Why don’t we perpetuate that myth more?

However, I did grow up without a father; perhaps my criteria for being a man differs some what from yours.

The perpetuation of stereotypical myths doesn’t serve identity politics that well. For instance, I don’t like football that much. Something about a bunch of guys, grabbing at each other all the time and piling up on one another. Hmm. Seems a little gay don’t you think?

Having said all of that, my dream car is an RX 8. Red of course.
Bavarian Missile

I didn’t know this post existed.

I am gay???????? Does the M3 version still make you gay!

Shouldn’t I be the other version anyway?

Phew no Fairmont’s Andrew your safe! Shhhhh I didn’t say that!
Going Ford, Is The Going Thing

They forgot to add in the DEFINITELY NOT GAY LIST, Ford Falcon.
Going Ford, Is The Going Thing

I think what they mean by the BMW M3 is gay when a man drives it.
Bavarian Missile

Phew………

Definitely not gay Fords ………………unless its a Fairm na forget it!
Oz.

Definitely not gay Fords or Fairmonts, unless it’s a Co… Na forget it!
MR.TRUTH

Falcon glovebox -v- Commodore glovebox is really what we want to see!
Tomas79

HEHEHE, refreshing article…
Although i reckon the Dodge Caliber does look Gay, in a Butch Lesbian kind of way!!
ms

Wow, I find this article quite depressing. Opening with a disclaimer about it not being politically correct does not give you the right to mock homosexuals. Advising your readers on how not to look gay, how wonderfully inclusive that is of you. Heaven forbid that someone be mistaken for a homosexual. That would be horrible for them.

Then you go on to twice suggest that being gay is about being less masculine. The old stereotypes of gay men don’t fit that well and they are rather insulting.

I see this article is a few years old now. I think it is time you took it off your website. I’m sure you are more enlightened and inclusive than this, aren’t you?
Fantastic

Haha best article ever. This will settle many arguments. Oldie but a goodie